Freedom

Apathy.
ap·a·thy (noun)
1.lack of enthusiasm or energy
2.emotional emptiness

This is my goal at work. And has been in effect for over a week now and seems to be working out quite nicely, really. And when I start to feel a little guilty for not caring... i quickly remind myself to not care. then Whoosh~ I feel nothing.

And it's nice. Hell, I'd even call it pleasant.

I think of it as "a healthy amount of apathy in all the right places."
So when I say "A 'healthy' amount..." I mean that occasional use of the word that equates to "plentiful." I have a mental image of myself smearing something fun and fluffy --like cool whip or cotton-y padding-- all around me so that the stress and 'chicken little' mentality in the office bounces off without ever getting to me. So 'all the right places' really refers to any space surrounding me while I am at work.

Part of me is concerned because I have always so passionate and diligent when it comes to my work. What if this ruins me? I believe that it won't. Given that I am (and have been) at the end of my rapidly-fraying rope, it comes just in time. Jackie says it's good to have a little apathy and to 'disengage' a bit given my recent burn out. Erin & Jim have applauded the effort. So along with a couple other votes of confidence in my recent 'laissez faire' approach, I continue on through the beat-down that has been work. Apathetic. Like water off a duck's back. Working hard, but not taking it to heart. If I don't get to it, the sky is *not* actually going to fall. Oh, AND: if I have need to leave early from a mind-numbingly long meeting that is barely more than a monument to bureaucracy... so be it. Especially if it is so that I can call and make a massage appointment on the walk out to my car.